Abro as asas,
tento voar!
embato nas grades
que me estão a aprisionar...
Tento viver,
sobreviver e quero sair.
Corro incessante naquele vazio
que não paro de sentir.
Gostava de ser como o vento...
Vaguear por ai sem destino.
Quebrar este meu tormento,
o meu desejo clandestino...
Mantendo a cabeça alta,
olhando sempre, mirando o céu...
Procuro dentro de mim
Aquilo que sempre foi meu!
Dor...
eis o que sentimos ao sofrer.
eis o que sinto quando perco
o que não poderei reaver ...
Beijos teus...
Aquelas gotas de ternura.
Palavras doces
em sonhos de loucura!
O tempo que me ensina e
o meu coração que quer esquecer,
Tolo continua a desejar
toda a essência do teu ser.
Lágrimas que correm
Tintas neste mar.
sem sentido nem piedade,
Sem maneira de cessar.
Os ardentes olhares
Que me lanças ao sair...
Chamas quentes,
Incessantes de partir...
Recuso-me e não vou!
A partir sempre me negarei!
Vou tecendo as palavras cegas
em que nunca acreditei...
Afogo-me nestas palavras...
minha escrita que não tem fim
envolvo-me nos meus laços ...
Tenho pena que seja assim
7.12.10
5.12.10
GRITA!
Força, grita comigo se isso te deixa realizado! Eleva a tua voz para tentares que a razão esteja do teu lado! Perturba mais a minha cabeça, faz-me temer ainda mais se isso te faz assim tão feliz... Ainda me pergunto o porquê mas acho que tal questão a mim não me compete visto ter passado de filha pródiga aquela imagem tão vincada e negativa que tens de mim... se bem que essa imagem só te aflui a mente quando assim te convém não é?
Dizes o que sentes, o que pensas e não te preocupas minimamente com o que eu sinto! Não percebes que sufoco contigo a minha volta, as tuas atenções, os teus gritos, as tuas discussões, as cenas que eu sei que não controlas? Não controlas faz por controlar porque eu também reprimo muito coisa! E talvez por isso estou assim! FARTA DESTA MERDA TODA! Para ti é tudo muito bonito pois... tens a vida bem não é? Estás como queres... com uma mulher que não te dá metade do valor e que destruiu aquilo que eu tinha de mais precioso, aquilo que podia tomar como MEU! A todo o momento me pedes para aceitar, peço imensa desculpa mas como se aceita tal veneno?
Não gosto que me fales na mesma coisa a toda a hora, não suporto, farto-me! Sou assim com tudo! Controle, obsessões e repetições... Bloqueiam-me e aprisionam-me! Preso muito a minha paz de espírito mas agora estou uma total pilha de nervos. Devo então ser educada e agradecer-te tal acção, agradecer-te por me conseguires por mais nervosa, por me conseguires sufocar com as tuas acções, por conseguires dar-me tal crise de nervos que mais desejava acabar com tudo. Metal in loud sound it's the only way... Não vejo outra maneira de libertar a minha raiva se não deixar a musica me lavar a alma...
Sei que sou uma desilusão, hoje tu próprio o disseste, que eu ia acabar sozinha pois com o meu feitio ninguém me irá aturar pois bem te digo que mais vale sozinha que mal acompanhada e digo que neste momento estavas bem melhor sozinho, talvez tivesses as ideias mais arrumadas, talvez as tivesses mais organizadas... naquela tua metodologia obsessiva de amor-próprio...
O meu coração é selvagem, não pode ser domado por isso não tentes controlar-me, não me digas o que fazer... não suporto isso. Deixa-me viver, dá-me a liberdade emocional que tentas acorrentar, deixa-me aceitar as coisas a minha maneira, não me obrigues... Não me repitas sempre a mesma ladainha... Estou a ficar tão farta... Já não te suporto...
Hoje fiz bem... pequei em tudo e vim embora... foi o melhor. Já não aguentava mais um minuto nessa casa!
Obrigada por tudo mas estou bem sem ti...
Dizes o que sentes, o que pensas e não te preocupas minimamente com o que eu sinto! Não percebes que sufoco contigo a minha volta, as tuas atenções, os teus gritos, as tuas discussões, as cenas que eu sei que não controlas? Não controlas faz por controlar porque eu também reprimo muito coisa! E talvez por isso estou assim! FARTA DESTA MERDA TODA! Para ti é tudo muito bonito pois... tens a vida bem não é? Estás como queres... com uma mulher que não te dá metade do valor e que destruiu aquilo que eu tinha de mais precioso, aquilo que podia tomar como MEU! A todo o momento me pedes para aceitar, peço imensa desculpa mas como se aceita tal veneno?
Não gosto que me fales na mesma coisa a toda a hora, não suporto, farto-me! Sou assim com tudo! Controle, obsessões e repetições... Bloqueiam-me e aprisionam-me! Preso muito a minha paz de espírito mas agora estou uma total pilha de nervos. Devo então ser educada e agradecer-te tal acção, agradecer-te por me conseguires por mais nervosa, por me conseguires sufocar com as tuas acções, por conseguires dar-me tal crise de nervos que mais desejava acabar com tudo. Metal in loud sound it's the only way... Não vejo outra maneira de libertar a minha raiva se não deixar a musica me lavar a alma...
Sei que sou uma desilusão, hoje tu próprio o disseste, que eu ia acabar sozinha pois com o meu feitio ninguém me irá aturar pois bem te digo que mais vale sozinha que mal acompanhada e digo que neste momento estavas bem melhor sozinho, talvez tivesses as ideias mais arrumadas, talvez as tivesses mais organizadas... naquela tua metodologia obsessiva de amor-próprio...
O meu coração é selvagem, não pode ser domado por isso não tentes controlar-me, não me digas o que fazer... não suporto isso. Deixa-me viver, dá-me a liberdade emocional que tentas acorrentar, deixa-me aceitar as coisas a minha maneira, não me obrigues... Não me repitas sempre a mesma ladainha... Estou a ficar tão farta... Já não te suporto...
Hoje fiz bem... pequei em tudo e vim embora... foi o melhor. Já não aguentava mais um minuto nessa casa!
Obrigada por tudo mas estou bem sem ti...
Reflexos da música VIII
"Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again...
(...)
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever...
I'm sorry I can't be perfect..."
Perfect by Simple Plan
Nothing's gonna make this right again...
(...)
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever...
I'm sorry I can't be perfect..."
Perfect by Simple Plan
2.12.10
Reflexos da música VII
"I'm in the business of misery,
Let's take it from the top.
She's got a body like an hourglass it's ticking like a clock.
It's a matter of time before we all run out,
When I thought he was mine she caught him by the mouth."
(...)
"Second chances they don't ever matter, people never change.
once a whore you're nothing more, I'm sorry, that'll never change.
And about forgiveness, we're both supposed to have exchanged.
I'm sorry honey, but I'm passin' up, now look this way.
Well there's a million other girls who do it just like you.
Looking as innocent as possible to get to who,
They want and what they like.
It's easy if you do it right.
Well I refuse, I refuse, I refuse!"
Let's take it from the top.
She's got a body like an hourglass it's ticking like a clock.
It's a matter of time before we all run out,
When I thought he was mine she caught him by the mouth."
(...)
"Second chances they don't ever matter, people never change.
once a whore you're nothing more, I'm sorry, that'll never change.
And about forgiveness, we're both supposed to have exchanged.
I'm sorry honey, but I'm passin' up, now look this way.
Well there's a million other girls who do it just like you.
Looking as innocent as possible to get to who,
They want and what they like.
It's easy if you do it right.
Well I refuse, I refuse, I refuse!"
Misery Business by Paramore
30.11.10
28.11.10
Bad dream... Awful indeed...
I can't forget what I dreamed yesterday night... It was awful, a really nightmare... And it seemed so real, so nasty, so painful...
It started with your face, I don't know why but yesterday night I remembered you, you were like my best friend, like a brother... How could that happen to you? Well... In my dream I was alone at first, it was so cold, the air around me was cutting like a knife and the wind was deadly blowing... I think it was winter time... Then I saw you in that damned motorcycle... you were fine... You glanced at me and smiled... You crashed... I saw the flames eating your barely alive body... I stayed still... With a tear holding in my eye ready to drop...
I looked around, I was in my bedroom. I ran to the window but the night was calm, the trees weren't moving with the wind. The storm had passed... I opened the window and a warm feeling came deep inside me, the air was warm, the smell of rain was still the air and the wind brought me that scent of burned rubber... I felt like to throw up... And I quickly made the connection... I just fell upon my knees and stayed quietly thinking what the hell was going on...
The night passed in a rush, and in the morning after you were nothing but ashes... I felt like someone had punched my heart...
Even with your death I went to school, I needed to be strong and I knew that he was going to be there supporting me, he was going to give me strenght to surpass all this...
[I really think is awesome the way I'm recalling everything I dreamed... It's just like a movie in my head... curiously this is almost the only dream I fully remember...]
I walked into school and I went to the bar where my friends use to be... When I arrived my world fell apart with what I saw. And there was he holding her hand... He glanced at me and said something to that little half-blonde bitch and started walking at me. "We need to talk" he said with a cold voice, even that I saw him with other girl I tried to kiss him but he avoided me... How in hell could he had a cold voice?! "What the hell is going on?" I asked... I knew that it wasn't good... "I don't mean to hurt you" he started... "I never did..." And in that right moment I knew what he was going to say... "Sorry..." he continued, even with a cold voice he was like afraid of hurting me or something... even in that situation for me he was the sweetest boy in earth... "...but it's over." he finished. It was like cold water in my head, in a moment i was hoping that he would support me and help me but in that right moment I just felt going even more under, it was like someone just ripped my heart right in front my eyes and just stabbed it like a fifty fucking times! I looked at him straight way in the eyes. He seemed to have a guilty look, like he had committed some crime or something... "You know Mariana... I love her, I always did and you're a great friend... Really... But I love her... Sorry. I'm sure you'll find someone better than me. Just forget me and keep going." he was looking at the floor. "Excuse me?" I said "I can barely believe in what I am hearing..." "I said I was sorry!" he said in a low tone "Oh I hear it! You don't have to repeat it..." I yelled "I bet you are so sorry..." I continued... "And all this time it was all a lie... After all you're all the same..." I looked at the floor to hide the tears. "Sorry" he said before going away to her side... They kissed... That image is stuck in my head...
My first impulse was running away to the bathroom and cry my heart over... In that moment lots of emotions came to my mind... I felt angry, sad, confused... And unable to trust anyone...
That's why I hate this dreams... They are reflections of my biggest fears and all that stuff... They make me feel useless... Like she better than me... I know she is... I know all that stuff but FUCK! There's no need to remember me of that all the time! What I can't take, What I can't support, What I can't live without... It's all here! It's all taken from me in this dreams and when I wake up I'm crying because I can't stand it! I remember that when I woke up this morning, it was like 10 a.m (and then I fell asleep again and I just woke at 3 p.m. --') and I was crying when I woke... It's just like all this stuff mess up my head so much... I couldn't stand losing you and I can't even more stand to lose him! He's the sweetest thing I have, He's just so important to me... And you were so important to... And I lose you... I don't want to lose him... Not now, not in a stupid nightmare that conjure all my fears together to make me feel sad and frustrated...
It's sad you know... Even the single thought that I can lose him just make me feel sick and with an awful sense of fear... I don't wanna lose more important people... I'm sick of losing the ones I love... You, my father, my best friends... (it was long ago I know but even so it still hurts...) And he is like all I wanted, all I needed to be happy... You know Johnny, you once said that I should smile more well now I'm like always smiling, I'm happy... And I don't wanna lose my smile, it makes me warm inside...
After that, when I felt asleep again I just remember arriving home and I was sad and very nervous so I think that it was like the second part of the dream... My mother was packing her things. "Where' you going?" I asked. "Oh hi sweet heart! I'm going to France with..." and he told me that story (like for the 50th time) "...and you're going to live with your father." she continued. "But mom..." I started "Father is married now... Like hell I'm going to live with them!" I yelled. "Don't talk to me like that! You're going, period!" she finished the discussion. I felt even more frustrated... I went to my bedroom and started listening loud music... I remember waking with my cell phone ringing... The world by nightmare it was...
It was just a bad dream... awful indeed.. I hope this night to be better...
It started with your face, I don't know why but yesterday night I remembered you, you were like my best friend, like a brother... How could that happen to you? Well... In my dream I was alone at first, it was so cold, the air around me was cutting like a knife and the wind was deadly blowing... I think it was winter time... Then I saw you in that damned motorcycle... you were fine... You glanced at me and smiled... You crashed... I saw the flames eating your barely alive body... I stayed still... With a tear holding in my eye ready to drop...
I looked around, I was in my bedroom. I ran to the window but the night was calm, the trees weren't moving with the wind. The storm had passed... I opened the window and a warm feeling came deep inside me, the air was warm, the smell of rain was still the air and the wind brought me that scent of burned rubber... I felt like to throw up... And I quickly made the connection... I just fell upon my knees and stayed quietly thinking what the hell was going on...
The night passed in a rush, and in the morning after you were nothing but ashes... I felt like someone had punched my heart...
Even with your death I went to school, I needed to be strong and I knew that he was going to be there supporting me, he was going to give me strenght to surpass all this...
[I really think is awesome the way I'm recalling everything I dreamed... It's just like a movie in my head... curiously this is almost the only dream I fully remember...]
I walked into school and I went to the bar where my friends use to be... When I arrived my world fell apart with what I saw. And there was he holding her hand... He glanced at me and said something to that little half-blonde bitch and started walking at me. "We need to talk" he said with a cold voice, even that I saw him with other girl I tried to kiss him but he avoided me... How in hell could he had a cold voice?! "What the hell is going on?" I asked... I knew that it wasn't good... "I don't mean to hurt you" he started... "I never did..." And in that right moment I knew what he was going to say... "Sorry..." he continued, even with a cold voice he was like afraid of hurting me or something... even in that situation for me he was the sweetest boy in earth... "...but it's over." he finished. It was like cold water in my head, in a moment i was hoping that he would support me and help me but in that right moment I just felt going even more under, it was like someone just ripped my heart right in front my eyes and just stabbed it like a fifty fucking times! I looked at him straight way in the eyes. He seemed to have a guilty look, like he had committed some crime or something... "You know Mariana... I love her, I always did and you're a great friend... Really... But I love her... Sorry. I'm sure you'll find someone better than me. Just forget me and keep going." he was looking at the floor. "Excuse me?" I said "I can barely believe in what I am hearing..." "I said I was sorry!" he said in a low tone "Oh I hear it! You don't have to repeat it..." I yelled "I bet you are so sorry..." I continued... "And all this time it was all a lie... After all you're all the same..." I looked at the floor to hide the tears. "Sorry" he said before going away to her side... They kissed... That image is stuck in my head...
My first impulse was running away to the bathroom and cry my heart over... In that moment lots of emotions came to my mind... I felt angry, sad, confused... And unable to trust anyone...
That's why I hate this dreams... They are reflections of my biggest fears and all that stuff... They make me feel useless... Like she better than me... I know she is... I know all that stuff but FUCK! There's no need to remember me of that all the time! What I can't take, What I can't support, What I can't live without... It's all here! It's all taken from me in this dreams and when I wake up I'm crying because I can't stand it! I remember that when I woke up this morning, it was like 10 a.m (and then I fell asleep again and I just woke at 3 p.m. --') and I was crying when I woke... It's just like all this stuff mess up my head so much... I couldn't stand losing you and I can't even more stand to lose him! He's the sweetest thing I have, He's just so important to me... And you were so important to... And I lose you... I don't want to lose him... Not now, not in a stupid nightmare that conjure all my fears together to make me feel sad and frustrated...
It's sad you know... Even the single thought that I can lose him just make me feel sick and with an awful sense of fear... I don't wanna lose more important people... I'm sick of losing the ones I love... You, my father, my best friends... (it was long ago I know but even so it still hurts...) And he is like all I wanted, all I needed to be happy... You know Johnny, you once said that I should smile more well now I'm like always smiling, I'm happy... And I don't wanna lose my smile, it makes me warm inside...
After that, when I felt asleep again I just remember arriving home and I was sad and very nervous so I think that it was like the second part of the dream... My mother was packing her things. "Where' you going?" I asked. "Oh hi sweet heart! I'm going to France with..." and he told me that story (like for the 50th time) "...and you're going to live with your father." she continued. "But mom..." I started "Father is married now... Like hell I'm going to live with them!" I yelled. "Don't talk to me like that! You're going, period!" she finished the discussion. I felt even more frustrated... I went to my bedroom and started listening loud music... I remember waking with my cell phone ringing... The world by nightmare it was...
It was just a bad dream... awful indeed.. I hope this night to be better...
Reflexos da música V / VI
Há dias em que a minha mente é povoada por duas músicas distintas... que nada têm a ver uma com a outra...
"Say it ain't so, I will not go,
turn the lights off, carry me home
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na,
na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na ..."
All the small things by Blink-182
turn the lights off, carry me home
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na,
na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na ..."
All the small things by Blink-182
"I know you're never coming back
I hope that you can hear me
I'm waiting to hear from you
Until I do..."
I hope that you can hear me
I'm waiting to hear from you
Until I do..."
Meet you there by Simple Plan
26.11.10
Speaking my heart...
Hoje voltei a despertar a minha veia masoquista... Fui ao hi5... Passei por fotos antigas...
Já há algum tempo que não me sentia assim... Estou apenas... triste...
You choose your path... I choose mine... There's no turning back... Even though I miss you...
私はいつもあなたを愛しと約束
私はいつもあなたを愛しと
私はいつもあなた
私はいつもあ
私はい
私はあなたを愛して <3>
Percebes? ^^
... どのように私はあなたを伝えることができる... それは私が病気に作っている 私はあなたを傷つけないようにしたくない
私がやるべきことにあなたを愛しています。
Peço desculpa meu querido e amado pai mas sabádo não o irei acompanhar no seu maravilhoso almoço, tenho coisas mais importantes para fazer e talvez, quando puser de parte os seus interesses pessoais e se lembrar que tem filhos, eu vá almoçar... talvez. Até lá prefiro continuar a ser a rapariguinha egoísta e egocêntrica que conhece e por como prioridade os meus problemas/afazeres. Agradeço desde já o convite e mas apresso-me a tão delicadamente o declinar.
Nostalgia...
Vi fotos nossas... BURRA! Como sempre... burra, masoquista e mais adjectivos que me podem caracterizar de um modo mais negativo...Já há algum tempo que não me sentia assim... Estou apenas... triste...
You choose your path... I choose mine... There's no turning back... Even though I miss you...
**********
私はいつもあなたを愛しと約束
私はいつもあなたを愛しと
私はいつもあなた
私はいつもあ
私はい
私はあなたを愛して <3>
Percebes? ^^
... どのように私はあなたを伝えることができる... それは私が病気に作っている 私はあなたを傷つけないようにしたくない
私がやるべきことにあなたを愛しています。
**********
Peço desculpa meu querido e amado pai mas sabádo não o irei acompanhar no seu maravilhoso almoço, tenho coisas mais importantes para fazer e talvez, quando puser de parte os seus interesses pessoais e se lembrar que tem filhos, eu vá almoçar... talvez. Até lá prefiro continuar a ser a rapariguinha egoísta e egocêntrica que conhece e por como prioridade os meus problemas/afazeres. Agradeço desde já o convite e mas apresso-me a tão delicadamente o declinar.
**********
Tenho medo...
25.11.10
Reflexos da música IV
"ya, the friends who stuck together
we wrote our names in blood
But I guess you can't accept that the change is good...
(...)
you treat me just like another stranger"
we wrote our names in blood
But I guess you can't accept that the change is good...
(...)
you treat me just like another stranger"
Ignorance by Paramore
18.11.10
4º Dia de info :D
Bem... tamos bem tamos... Vícios e hábitos xD
Então... Hábitos e Vícios e etc's :P
Então... Hábitos e Vícios e etc's :P
- Teimosa [Hábito]
- Quero ter sempre razão. [Hábito]
- Chocolate * . * [Vicio]
- Metal [Vicio]
- My Chemical Romance [Vicio]
- Chatear Pessoas [Hábito]
- Falar... assim muuuuuito --' [Hábito]
- Tu :P [Vicio]
- Continuar a errar e a errar e a errar --' [Hábito]
- Escrever [Tornou-se mesmo um Vicio]
- Chupas :D [Vicio]
- Pc [Hábito]
- Torturar os meus vizinhos com musica alta e.e [Hábito/Vicio/Vingança]
17.11.10
3º dia de info =P
Os meus hobbies o.o
Um dos meus hobbies neste momento é sem dúvida fazer o trabalho de história <.< *not*
but oh well... hobbies :D
Um dos meus hobbies neste momento é sem dúvida fazer o trabalho de história <.< *not*
but oh well... hobbies :D
- Desenhar (wait a minute... isto não é kinda like os gostos? o.O ... oh whatever <.<)
- Escrever tudo o que me vem a cabeça * . * (isso é bom :D)
- Dizer tudo o que me vem a cabeça --" (isso já não é tão bom...)
- Costurar e agora tentar arranjar a minha máquina que puff! Estragou-se <.<
- Dormir (é um gosto e um hobbie 8D)
- Cozinhar (especialmente bolos ^^)
- Ler manga
- Ver anime
- Cosplay :D
- Arrumar o meu quarto (Mentira~ xD não gosto --')
- Desmontar coisas (brinquedos complexos do meu irmão) e voltar a montar
- Dizer "Morre :D" a quem me chateia ^^
2º dia de Info :D
Eu sei que já devia ter feito este... e muitos outros... mas pronto, vou continuar agora ^.^ Não faria sentido terem-me passado isto e eu não continuar.. certo ce?
Então... Os meus gostos... :D Eu gosto de muita coisa (mentira que eu sou muito esquisita xD)
Bem... vou pôr por tópicos que é muito mais simples:
Gosto:
Então... Os meus gostos... :D Eu gosto de muita coisa (mentira que eu sou muito esquisita xD)
Bem... vou pôr por tópicos que é muito mais simples:
Gosto:
- de peluches (Adoro-os mesmo *O*)
- de desenhar..
- de ouvir musica
- de ser quem sou e de me estar literalmente a cagar para se gostam ou não...
- de ser cosplayer
- de costurar
- de dormir
- de estar com os meus amigos
- do meu grupo de cosplay (HEROES COME BACK FTW *O*)
- do André (Amo-te * . *)
- da Ce (even so... I still care about you... Gemini * . *)
- de todos aqueles que são importantes para mim
- de ser directa (afinal umas quantas verdades nunca fizeram mal a ninguém)
- de sonhar acordada
- de ter muitos mundos paralelos
- de ser totalmente viciada em anime e manga
- de errar e aprender com os meus erros
- de "fall and start again even if my knees are bleeding"
- de escrever
- de sangria e caipirinhas :D
- de limão ^^
15.11.10
USO DA!
USO DA! USO DA! USO DA! USO DA! USO DA! USO DA! USO DA! USO DA!
USO DA! USO DA! USO DA! USO DA! USO DA! USO DA! USO DA! USO DA!
USO DA! USO DA! USO DA! USO DA! USO DA! USO DA! USO DA! USO DA!
USO DA! USO DA! USO DA! USO DA! USO DA! USO DA! USO DA! USO DA!
Do you know what means? It's a quote from Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni by Ryuugu Rena and it means LIAR!
USO DA! USO DA! USO DA! USO DA! USO DA! USO DA! USO DA! USO DA!
USO DA! USO DA! USO DA! USO DA! USO DA! USO DA! USO DA! USO DA!
USO DA! USO DA! USO DA! USO DA! USO DA! USO DA! USO DA! USO DA!
Do you know what means? It's a quote from Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni by Ryuugu Rena and it means LIAR!
"Liar Liar! Pants on fire!"
Liar liar! by the used
Now I am surprise... Don't tell me you were planning to hide it all time long... That would be a mistake really... Sorry but you're lovely bitch finished signing her own death sentence... Believe me, she must have some kind of death wish! You want me to be with her? The only time I'll be with her is to send her straigh away to a Hosital bed, poised with some pills! I just don't wanna know! I don't give a shit about her! I don't fucking care! But go on... If you think is the right thing to do... MARRY her if you guys want that so badly! But be careful daddy... Don't forget that even if she gets pregnant I'm still your daughter and Zé is still you son... So don't fucking pretend that we don't exist! Even if you marry her... She's nothing but dead flesh!
For some reason I'm having a murderous intent...
For some reason I'm having a murderous intent...A âncora...
"Vocês os dois têm uma âncora
mesmo pesada para afundar relações!"
Rui Taveira
mesmo pesada para afundar relações!"
Rui Taveira
Sim meu amigo, muito engraçado da tua parte essa metáfora [referindo-se a mim e ao meu brother-in-class] . Sei que não sou a pessoa perfeita mas também acho que não sou assim tão imbecil (será esta a palavra correcta?) Gostava de ser como a maior parte das pessoas, que numa conversa consegue desenrolar metade da sua vida sem problemas, sem complexos, sem se fechar nela própria como eu tanto faço... E também gostava de não dizer asneiras cada vez que abro a boca. Tal e qual como eu disse a uns dias atrás, é como se eu atraísse os problemas ou algo... Será mesmo verdade? Quer dizer, eu não faço por mal mas mesmo sem querer acabo por errar. --"
Agora... Pergunta! Porque estou eu a escrever isto. Simplesmente porque sei que amanhã quando fores a internet o vais ler. I just got a feeling.
Eu tenho uma estranha tendência para me "livrar" do que me faz triste, sim sou uma cobarde sem a mínima coragem para enfrentar os meus problemas... e isso faz-me sentir frustrada. Provavelmente se fosse outra, se não gostasse mesmo de ti, ter-me-ia atirado para os teus braços logo na primeira oportunidade que tivesse sozinha (ou mesmo acompanhada) contigo no verão, mas não o fiz, pelo simples facto de que tinha medo (medo, cobardia, falta de coragem... há muita expressão para uma mesma acção...) de levar uma daquelas barras mesmo feias.
A tristeza leva a frustração, a frustração a raiva e a raiva ao não controle... E eu sou muito complicada...
É do género:
"Eu: agr n sei que fazer :x
Adri:*etto... fala com ele...com calma...
Eu: pois mas agora tou com aquele bichinho dentro de mim que n m vai fazer dormir <.<"
I just want you to know that I love you more that anything... And everything that I said was because I was upset, nothing more... I'm impulsive, who can judge me for that? :x And I trust you that why I showed you... And you know, in that time it was not easy that's why I was so frustrated... Normally when I fully open my heart people use to run... they don't wanna have nothing to do with my problems, they just want peace... My father run away with that bitch to escape from all the problems in home... See? Another one that ran away from the problems... I hope you can stay, I hope you can understand my fuzzy mind, I hope you don't go away like everybody else did... I finally found the happiness I was looking for, I can finally say that I'm happy... That's good! :D I finally can tell myself that there is some kind of sun beyond all the dark clouds, I can at last feel special for someone... for you... And forget you is the last thing [I repeat THE LAST THING!] that would come to my mind... In the other night I had that dream... You died (and my brother went missing...) ... I woke in tears struggling my plush... When someone is important to me I just can't hold it, I can't hide it... Do you know how frustrating it is to talk with the one you are at the moment and when you go sleep you dream with somebody else? Even Worst... You're in a very romantic situation and oh! You happened to whispered the wrong name in the other person's ear... It's bad when you cannot control it... But not the bad which the definition is bad thing or bad happening... Bad in the way that it makes you feel... GUILTY! And was that... After all it became out of my control... I loved you... I love you and I will love you... But is the present that matters... The tense itself says it... we have to enjoy the present because it is a gift that we have to fully take and make the best of it... And I just wanted you know that... I love you and you can ask her... I said those things because I was on fire... I had nothing (I repeat so it gets clear as water NOTHING) agaisnt you... I never had... E agora apercebi-me do tamanho deste texto... Oh meu Deus! Está enorme! Mas disse tudo o que precisava para dormir bem... Para não ter "pesos" que não existem na consciência, para conseguir ... think straight, não arranjei a expressão em português... E tudo porque te foste embora e eu fiquei a sentir-me mal pelo que tinha dito... Tenho problemas com a minha consciência sim... Quando tenho receio de perder quem amo, quando tenho receio de errar... Fico sempre com aqueles macaquinhos azuis no sótão... E depois vêm aqueles filmes que eu faço na minha cabeça... E que são surreais como o destino mas mesmo assim contêm uma réstia de realidade que me faz temer... Ai esta minha imaginação! Se calhar até estou a fazer um grande drama de algo que não significou nada... MENTIRA! Claro que significou, significa sempre, até as mais pequenas coisas significam algo... Pelo menos para mim é assim... Eu lembro-me de várias situações que para mim significaram algo e muitas vezes, as mais inocentes e insignificantes afirmações ficam na memória pela negativa ou pela positiva... ( eu tenho algumas tuas negativas... mas não quero recordar isso ^^ tenho as positivas todas guardadas e isso é que interessa...) Eu lembro-me da cada discussão que tive com o meu pai... O que ele me chamava... EGOCÊNTRICA era a sua palavra favorita a seguir a EGOÍSTA... Se calhar se viesse de outra pessoa não me magoava, talvez se fosse da Mariana, ou do Taveira, ou mesmo do Álvaro... Talvez não me magoasse tanto... Acontece que ainda hoje penso nisso... Quando ele me chapava na cara que eu tinha um feitio lixado... que nunca ninguém ia gostar de mim assim porque ele dizia que eu não dava o devido valor as pessoas... Dizia que era demasiado egoísta para gostar de alguém para além de mim própria... "Vês como estavas enganado pai?!" apetecia-me gritar agora... Apaixonei-me mesmo a sério, tão a sério que nem reconhecerias a egocêntrica da tua filha. Tão a sério mesmo... Mas será que perceberias isso? Quem é o egoísta afinal? Não foste tu que foste embora de casa com outra só para fugires aos teus problemas? Agora deste ponto de vista, comparada contigo não sou uma cobarde... Tu és! Sim isto é tudo raiva... Isto é tudo aquilo que eu não controlo... é tudo aquilo que eu não consigo entender... Não me entendo a mim própria, não te entendo a ti, não entendo a maior parte das coisas neste vida... Estou a cerca de 1h a escrever e mesmo assim sinto que não disse tudo, ainda me sinto a transbordar, tal como um copo cheio demais. Dói-me o corpo todo, estou com frio mesmo estando agasalhada... Sinto a tua falta André (Podes ainda estar a pensar no que te disse... Mas tu sabes que eu te amo muito e nada altera isso. Foste o melhor que me aconteceu neste últimos tempos...)... Estou farta de estar doente, estou farta de discussões, estou farta do meu irmão, estou farta de tomar medicamentos, estou farta que falem mal de mim nas costas, estou farta da mesma rotina, de acordar 3 vezes durante a noite, de não conseguir dormir... Estou farta que me chacinem a cabeça com regras e tarefas, farta de me tentar justificar pelas coisas de que nem tenho culpa!
What if...
What if I break?!
What if I break?!
I hope you don't mind about the pic here...
Well... Even if you mind I won't take it :D
So just live with that :P
14.11.10
Reflexos da música III
I've said it once, I've said it twice, I've said it a thousand fucking times...
That I'm okay, that I'm fine, that it's all just in my mind!
That I'm okay, that I'm fine, that it's all just in my mind!
It never ends by Bring me the Horizon
13.11.10
Sick... AGAIN! T.T
The world is so fucking unfair! I'm sick! I just can't taste food...
WHY THE HELL AM I SICK?!
T.T Fuck this shit... ; _ ; Life's unfair...
WHY THE HELL AM I SICK?!
T.T Fuck this shit... ; _ ; Life's unfair...
Photoshoot I - Bellatrix Lestrange
No passado dia 7 [de Novembro] fiz com um amigo meu [David Matos] uma sessaõ fotográfica no ginjal. ^^ Vou por algumas das fotos aqui pois eu acho que até ficaram bem... podiam ter ficado melhor sim, mas estão boas, at least eu gosto :P
Modelo: Mii Cunha (aka eu =D)
Personagem :Bellatrix Lestrange [Harry Potter]
Fotografia: David Matos
By the way... I WANT SOME FEEDBACK :P
Modelo: Mii Cunha (aka eu =D)
Personagem :Bellatrix Lestrange [Harry Potter]
Fotografia: David Matos
By the way... I WANT SOME FEEDBACK :P
Reflexos da música II
"Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars? I could really use a wish right now..."
I would wish you were here <3
I would wish you were here <3
Airplanes by B.O.B ft. Hayley Williams
7.11.10
Reflexos da música I
"It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep 'cuz everything is never as it seems..."
Fireflies by Owl City...
2.11.10
Sorry...
I just don't know what else to say,
Sorry...
I hope that you can stay.
Inside of my heart
Don't leave me alone
Don't get away like this
Don't turn my heart to stone.
I've been missing by hours
I just don't wanna face the day
I still remember his scent
I still remember this way...
It's awful
I feel so ashamed
I wish you could forgive me
I wish we go back to the same
Same way we laught
Same way we talk
Just forgive because
I'm not ready for you to walk...
Your like my sister...
You have been my best friend...
Ce I love you
Now and 'til the end...
You can think it's stupid
You can even think it's not worth
But let me tell one thing lady
There's no friendship without hurt...
I <3 you ^^
Sorry...
I hope that you can stay.
Inside of my heart
Don't leave me alone
Don't get away like this
Don't turn my heart to stone.
I've been missing by hours
I just don't wanna face the day
I still remember his scent
I still remember this way...
It's awful
I feel so ashamed
I wish you could forgive me
I wish we go back to the same
Same way we laught
Same way we talk
Just forgive because
I'm not ready for you to walk...
Your like my sister...
You have been my best friend...
Ce I love you
Now and 'til the end...
You can think it's stupid
You can even think it's not worth
But let me tell one thing lady
There's no friendship without hurt...
I <3 you ^^
Dia 1 - Descrição de mim própria.
Sobre mim... Não sei simplesmente como me descrever...
A pessoas que dizem que eu sou má, obscura, sou egoísta e egocêntrica, outras dizem que não penso em ninguém para além de mim e também já ouvi rumores que sou querida e simpática...
Uma descrição de mim própria é, de longe, a última coisa que consigo fazer pois quem melhor para ver as nossas qualidades e defeitos do que os outros?
Gosto de ouvir Heavy Metal, refugiu-me na música para resolver os meus problemas... Das minhas bandas preferidas constam Metallica, Bring me the Horizon e Three Days Grace...
Acho que vou ao encontro dos problemas, ou se calhar são eles que vêm ter comigo... Não sei bem mas problemas é algo constante na minha vida, como uma rotina inevitável.
Quando algo me afecta muito tenho tendência para me isolar no meu canto sem contacto com o mundo exterior e ai as pessoas pensam que as estou a abandonar e ficam chateadas comigo. Limito-me a observar o mundo dentro da minha bolha de cristal impenetrável. Sou tempestuosa, bastante temperamental, não digo bipolar pois não é algo crónico. As vezes magoou as pessoas de quem mais gosto, mas não é por mal, é porque não sei as vezes como reagir em certas alturas.
Em contrapartida a toda a nuvem negra envolta neste texto também consigo ser carinhosa e simpática. A minha personalidade é como o vento, muda muito facilmente, pode soprar para leste ou oeste ou norte ou sul e nunca se sabe o dia de amanhã. Por natureza sou simpática, sou meiga, sou brincalhona e sociável... Mas a vida um dia mostrou-me que o sorriso é um luxo que não se tem todos os dias...
E ai está.. Uma descrição de mim própria ^^
A pessoas que dizem que eu sou má, obscura, sou egoísta e egocêntrica, outras dizem que não penso em ninguém para além de mim e também já ouvi rumores que sou querida e simpática...
Uma descrição de mim própria é, de longe, a última coisa que consigo fazer pois quem melhor para ver as nossas qualidades e defeitos do que os outros?
Gosto de ouvir Heavy Metal, refugiu-me na música para resolver os meus problemas... Das minhas bandas preferidas constam Metallica, Bring me the Horizon e Three Days Grace...
Acho que vou ao encontro dos problemas, ou se calhar são eles que vêm ter comigo... Não sei bem mas problemas é algo constante na minha vida, como uma rotina inevitável.
Quando algo me afecta muito tenho tendência para me isolar no meu canto sem contacto com o mundo exterior e ai as pessoas pensam que as estou a abandonar e ficam chateadas comigo. Limito-me a observar o mundo dentro da minha bolha de cristal impenetrável. Sou tempestuosa, bastante temperamental, não digo bipolar pois não é algo crónico. As vezes magoou as pessoas de quem mais gosto, mas não é por mal, é porque não sei as vezes como reagir em certas alturas.
Em contrapartida a toda a nuvem negra envolta neste texto também consigo ser carinhosa e simpática. A minha personalidade é como o vento, muda muito facilmente, pode soprar para leste ou oeste ou norte ou sul e nunca se sabe o dia de amanhã. Por natureza sou simpática, sou meiga, sou brincalhona e sociável... Mas a vida um dia mostrou-me que o sorriso é um luxo que não se tem todos os dias...
E ai está.. Uma descrição de mim própria ^^
30 dias de informação...
OMG tanto dia O.O
Passado pela Ce :P
Dia 1 - Descrição de ti própria.
Dia 2 - Os teus gostos. (a especificar no dia)
Dia 3 - Os teus hobbies.
Dia 4 - Os teus vícios/hábitos.
Dia 5 - Os teus ídolos.
Dia 6 - O teu talento.
Dia 7 - A tua wishlist.
Dia 8 - A situação mais embaraçosa por que passaste.
Dia 9 - Algo que te irrita.
Dia 10 - Algo que te orgulha.
Dia 11. Algo que gostavas de saber/aprender.
Dia 12. Algo que te deixe sem palavras.
Dia 13. Algo sem o qual não conseguirias viver.
Dia 14. Um local que te transmita paz de espírito.
Dia 15. Uma imagem/fotografia que signifique algo para ti.
Dia 16. Uma descoberta científica ou histórica
Dia 17. Uma citação que gostes.
Dia 18. Um site que visites regularmente e outro que tenhas perdido o interesse.
Dia 19. Uma colecção que faças (ou que gostarias de fazer).
Dia 20. Uma paixão secreta (ou nem por isso).
Dia 21. Um texto que tenhas escrito há algum tempo.
Dia 22. Uma memória que te tenha marcado.
Dia 23. Uma carta escrita por ti, para um destinatário à escolha.
Dia 24. Uma experiência que tenha mudado a tua vida.
Dia 25. Um sonho ainda por realizar.
Dia 26. O melhor dia da tua vida e porquê.
Dia 27. O pior dia da tua vida e porquê.
Dia 28. O que valorizas mais num blog; indicar um dos teus blogs preferidos.
Dia 29. O que te faz mais feliz.
Dia 30. Balanço do desafio.
(And David............ MAKE THE DAMNED THING e_e)
Passado pela Ce :P
Dia 1 - Descrição de ti própria.
Dia 2 - Os teus gostos. (a especificar no dia)
Dia 3 - Os teus hobbies.
Dia 4 - Os teus vícios/hábitos.
Dia 5 - Os teus ídolos.
Dia 6 - O teu talento.
Dia 7 - A tua wishlist.
Dia 8 - A situação mais embaraçosa por que passaste.
Dia 9 - Algo que te irrita.
Dia 10 - Algo que te orgulha.
Dia 11. Algo que gostavas de saber/aprender.
Dia 12. Algo que te deixe sem palavras.
Dia 13. Algo sem o qual não conseguirias viver.
Dia 14. Um local que te transmita paz de espírito.
Dia 15. Uma imagem/fotografia que signifique algo para ti.
Dia 16. Uma descoberta científica ou histórica
Dia 17. Uma citação que gostes.
Dia 18. Um site que visites regularmente e outro que tenhas perdido o interesse.
Dia 19. Uma colecção que faças (ou que gostarias de fazer).
Dia 20. Uma paixão secreta (ou nem por isso).
Dia 21. Um texto que tenhas escrito há algum tempo.
Dia 22. Uma memória que te tenha marcado.
Dia 23. Uma carta escrita por ti, para um destinatário à escolha.
Dia 24. Uma experiência que tenha mudado a tua vida.
Dia 25. Um sonho ainda por realizar.
Dia 26. O melhor dia da tua vida e porquê.
Dia 27. O pior dia da tua vida e porquê.
Dia 28. O que valorizas mais num blog; indicar um dos teus blogs preferidos.
Dia 29. O que te faz mais feliz.
Dia 30. Balanço do desafio.
(And David............ MAKE THE DAMNED THING e_e)
30.10.10
[Sometimes... ]
[Sometimes... ]
... I hate myself...
[Sometimes... ]
... I hate those girls...
... I hate the way they smile at you, pretending that you don't have a girlfriend...
... I hate the way they say bad things about us and about me in my backs...
[Sometimes... ]
... I want you close to me, holding me tight...
... I wanna be alone, surrounded by my own darkness...
[Sometimes... ]
... I miss you dad...
... I want you far away from me...
[Sometimes... ]
... I want break something...
... I cry because I broke the wrong thing...
[Sometimes... ]
... I look back and think that they deserve all the things I did
... I look back and I regret everything...
[Sometimes... ]
... I kick the world right in the ass...
... The world kick me back away to my corner...
[Sometimes... ]
... I wanna scream...
... I wanna break...
... I wanna leave...
... I wanna live...
... I wanna feel the fresh air...
[Sometimes... ]
... I do not deserve to be grounded...
... I deserve to be kicked out...
[Sometimes... ]
... I dream with you...
... I remember you...
... I miss you...
... I'm scared of you...
... I wish you weren't dead...
... I think in how you hurt me... But even so I wish you weren't dead...
... I think of you...
[Sometimes... ]
... I'm jealous...
... I can't get along with her...
... I remember when she was my best friend and how she is now falling for you...
... I call her a bitch and I mean it...
... I wish she was far away...
... I wish you were all mine...
... I make evil stories in my head that I know they'll never happen in real life...
... I HATE THOSE BITCHES!
[Sometimes... ]
... I realize I shouldn't have trusted in you...
... I think it all was a lie...
... I think you were pretending all the time...
... I wish you're okay... I wish you don't have any problem with the path you chased...
[Sometimes... ]
... I just want to disappear...
... I don't know what to say...
... I just don't know what to think...
... I feel like I'm with my hands and my feet chained...
... I feel like a child...
... I can be your sweet dream...
... I can be your living hell...
... I hate myself...
[Sometimes... ]
... I hate those girls...
... I hate the way they smile at you, pretending that you don't have a girlfriend...
... I hate the way they say bad things about us and about me in my backs...
[Sometimes... ]
... I want you close to me, holding me tight...
... I wanna be alone, surrounded by my own darkness...
[Sometimes... ]
... I miss you dad...
... I want you far away from me...
[Sometimes... ]
... I want break something...
... I cry because I broke the wrong thing...
[Sometimes... ]
... I look back and think that they deserve all the things I did
... I look back and I regret everything...
[Sometimes... ]
... I kick the world right in the ass...
... The world kick me back away to my corner...
[Sometimes... ]
... I wanna scream...
... I wanna break...
... I wanna leave...
... I wanna live...
... I wanna feel the fresh air...
[Sometimes... ]
... I do not deserve to be grounded...
... I deserve to be kicked out...
[Sometimes... ]
... I dream with you...
... I remember you...
... I miss you...
... I'm scared of you...
... I wish you weren't dead...
... I think in how you hurt me... But even so I wish you weren't dead...
... I think of you...
[Sometimes... ]
... I'm jealous...
... I can't get along with her...
... I remember when she was my best friend and how she is now falling for you...
... I call her a bitch and I mean it...
... I wish she was far away...
... I wish you were all mine...
... I make evil stories in my head that I know they'll never happen in real life...
... I HATE THOSE BITCHES!
[Sometimes... ]
... I realize I shouldn't have trusted in you...
... I think it all was a lie...
... I think you were pretending all the time...
... I wish you're okay... I wish you don't have any problem with the path you chased...
[Sometimes... ]
... I just want to disappear...
... I don't know what to say...
... I just don't know what to think...
... I feel like I'm with my hands and my feet chained...
... I feel like a child...
... I can be your sweet dream...
... I can be your living hell...
That's up to you ...
26.10.10
"PAY ATTENTION DAMN IT!"
"Haii Haii T.T"
I don't have nothing to complain about... except my marks. I had a miserable 9.5 in geometry! It doesn't matter how hard I try, I'll never make it because I don't understand anything from that thing. For me it is only a bunch of scraps and lines, nothing more... Oh god T.T I need to have good marks... I really need it! I'm trying really hard to pay attention in classes, today it was awful because I really tried to stay tunned to the class, I even put my notebook away so I couldn't write... Well I was tunned for more time, even that I dispersed a bi tin the end... It's really hard for me! People don't understand that but it is... I have problems with my attention since my first grade, I always had my notebooks full with little notes to my parents, I never paid attention... I just couldn't and now it's the same... I just can't o.o No matter how hard I try I can't concentrate in the most disciplines... Geometry is to forget... I try but then my head starts hurting and I have to turn off my attention... Portuguese... More or less... I think I can pass more that half 'n hour tunned... English I can pay attention (Today I paid *feels proud*) And History too... Philosophy also, it's funny and stuff... And Drawing is my favorite ^^ I can pay attention even if I have to push myself to hard... But only for those I really like...
With the time I think that I'm loving you even more... Really, I feel so naive, so innocent... It's so good to have you by my side ^^ You're always so cute for me and you look so pissed off when other guys come talk to me... you don't have to be jealous... I just love you *-*
I don't have nothing to complain about... except my marks. I had a miserable 9.5 in geometry! It doesn't matter how hard I try, I'll never make it because I don't understand anything from that thing. For me it is only a bunch of scraps and lines, nothing more... Oh god T.T I need to have good marks... I really need it! I'm trying really hard to pay attention in classes, today it was awful because I really tried to stay tunned to the class, I even put my notebook away so I couldn't write... Well I was tunned for more time, even that I dispersed a bi tin the end... It's really hard for me! People don't understand that but it is... I have problems with my attention since my first grade, I always had my notebooks full with little notes to my parents, I never paid attention... I just couldn't and now it's the same... I just can't o.o No matter how hard I try I can't concentrate in the most disciplines... Geometry is to forget... I try but then my head starts hurting and I have to turn off my attention... Portuguese... More or less... I think I can pass more that half 'n hour tunned... English I can pay attention (Today I paid *feels proud*) And History too... Philosophy also, it's funny and stuff... And Drawing is my favorite ^^ I can pay attention even if I have to push myself to hard... But only for those I really like...
With the time I think that I'm loving you even more... Really, I feel so naive, so innocent... It's so good to have you by my side ^^ You're always so cute for me and you look so pissed off when other guys come talk to me... you don't have to be jealous... I just love you *-*
24.10.10
To my sweet Anonymous friends...
Hey bitches! Wassup? Did you ever figure out that jealousy is fucked up? If you don't like me just go away, I don't give a shit if you're here or if you don't. I only accept the comments because I think that everyone has the right to give their opinion but for god sakes get a life bitches! You're just a bunch of whores who don't know how to live rightly without being a pain in the ass. Just go fuck your friends with benefits, I'm sure you have tons of them so just go ^^ Maybe one day you'll be found dead in some valley with a junkie fucking your corpse's ass! I don't care if you hate me, I don't live to fucking please you and like Kurt Cobain said "I'd rather be hated for who I am that be loved for who I am not!"
┌∩┐(●_●)┌∩┐
FUCK OFF BITCHES! GET A FUCKING LIFE AND LIVE ME ALONE
┌∩┐(●_●)┌∩┐
21.10.10
OMG!
OMG! I can't yet believe it! My days are a total twist I have to admit it... In one minute I just heard her yelling "OH FUCK GO TALK WITH HER DAMN IT! I DON'T CARE IF YOU DON'T HAVE COURAGE! GET SOME FUCKING BALLS DUDE!" and in the other you were outside the school building kissing me... Oh my god it felt so good... I really love you you know... You kidnapped me outside and then you put your hand around my waist, you didn't even give me time to complain or something and you kissed me... And I was like O.O *OOOMMMMMGGG* and of course I kissed you back... I still have that silly smile in my face and I had it all time during Philosophy test... (And I almost felt asleep but oh well o.o)...
You know what?
...
...
...
I LOVE YOU! <3
...
...
...
I LOVE YOU! <3
20.10.10
I need a hug...
I need a hug... don't ask me why... just hug me...
This is what I think... The way I feel... JUST HUG ME DAMN IT!
I'm with twirl of feeling inside me... I just wanna scream, kick something, break something...
I was the whole month asking myself why didn't he answer to my messages... And yesterday I knew it... Since 2nd October... It was devastating! I felt so bad... And I'm still that way... Sometimes people are at the wrong place in the wrong hour with the wrong purpose...
This is what I think... The way I feel... JUST HUG ME DAMN IT!
I'm with twirl of feeling inside me... I just wanna scream, kick something, break something...
I was the whole month asking myself why didn't he answer to my messages... And yesterday I knew it... Since 2nd October... It was devastating! I felt so bad... And I'm still that way... Sometimes people are at the wrong place in the wrong hour with the wrong purpose...
And what I hate the most is when people try to help when saying "I know what your feeling, believe me... It happened to me..." It's just annoying! Like my mother did today... IT'S MY PROBLEMS! DON'T GIVE EXAMPLES OF YOUR OWN PROBLEMS DAMN IT! It's like when someone say I can count on her and then when I start talking about what happened she start talking about her problems like ... "Dude... we're talking about me... Can you give at least 1 minute of your attention?" I don't ask much...
And now I just want a hug... I wan't your hug... Because I lost a friend that was very close to me... I could even say that he was my best friend... And now...
Just hug me :x I'm not o-fucking-kay....
Just hug me :x I'm not o-fucking-kay....
R.I.P. Johnny D... I love you...
18.10.10
5 cm é demais...
Bem... Eu poderia dizer que hoje os meus lábios estiveram a 5cm dos teus, mas estaria claramente a exagerar... 5cm é uma distância demasiado longa, pois eu estive muito mais perto... Senti a tua respiração e também consegui aspirar o teu nervosismo... Por alguma razão não te beijei, tu também afastaste-te logo, ia eu avançar os lábios estavas tu ja a largar-me... É interessante porque hoje depois das aulas fui contigo e mais duas amigas para cima, estava a ganhar coragem e quando me despedisse de ti ia-te beijar, mas o autocarro passou, tu e elas começaram a correr apenas ouvi a tua voz um pouco distante do meu ouvido "Desculpa..." e depois já ias lá longe... Frustração e tristeza foram os sentimentos que se seguiram... Porque é que sempre que eu ganho coragem há sempre algo no meio? Oh life sucks.. I almost forgot that part...
Agora dediquei-me a arte do origami. Espero ficar cada vez melhor =D ... e lembrei-me... >///< MALDITOS HOMENS SEXISTAS! MACHISTAS! Nem acredito que não há ligas femininas aqui na zona! E lá se vai o andebol <.< Mas porque é que todos os desportos que eu quero fazer sofrem algum contratempo? ; _ ;
Agora dediquei-me a arte do origami. Espero ficar cada vez melhor =D ... e lembrei-me... >///< MALDITOS HOMENS SEXISTAS! MACHISTAS! Nem acredito que não há ligas femininas aqui na zona! E lá se vai o andebol <.< Mas porque é que todos os desportos que eu quero fazer sofrem algum contratempo? ; _ ;
11.10.10
I'm Sick ; _ ;
Ahhh Life sucks T.T It's not fair! I don't wanna be sick <.<
Estou mesmo fodida da minha saúde :x
Oh yeah! Life's a bitch... and then you die --"
Estou mesmo fodida da minha saúde :x
Oh yeah! Life's a bitch... and then you die --"
8.10.10
Die!
Just die! Get out of my life at once! It's frustrating! It's torturing! And the saddest part is that you know! [or perhaps you don't <.<]You know you're breaking my heart! You're making me fall apart... And you know it... It's funny... You know everything! You know how much I love you, you know how important you are, you know how much I care, you know how much I suffer...
YOU MAKE ME WANNA DIE! EVERYTIME I LOOK INSIDE YOUR EYES... MAKE ME WANNA DIE!
I just can't take it much longer!
You say you love me... You know what? I don't believe you 'cuz you act like you don't and it hurts... Have you ever figured out that I might be really in love with you? Had you even realize that? It's not that hard for god sakes! I just don't know what to do... I've run out of ideas... You're alwats jealous of my friends... I don't understand you! "I got a lot to say to you! Yeah I got a lot to say... I noticed you're eyes are always glued to me, keeping them here and it makes no sense at all! (...) Crush... Crush... Crush, Crush, Crush! Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone. Just the one, two I was just counting on. That never happen, I guess I'm dreaming again... Let's be more than... THIS!"
I'd rather waste my life pretending than have to forget you for one hole minute...
I love you...
I hate you...
JUST DIE! Why don't you come up to me and say "I love you"? Why?! Am I asking to much? It's nothing more... I would be so happy... if you come talk to me and surprised me with a kiss (I love surprises you know)... If you love me why don't you say that right in front of me?! I love you and if you love me, like you say, why aren't we together?
But I guess I'm dreaming again... I'm always dreaming and perhaps that's why nothing happens... 'Cuz it's all just a dream... Or a nightmare...
YOU MAKE ME WANNA DIE! EVERYTIME I LOOK INSIDE YOUR EYES... MAKE ME WANNA DIE!
I just can't take it much longer!
You say you love me... You know what? I don't believe you 'cuz you act like you don't and it hurts... Have you ever figured out that I might be really in love with you? Had you even realize that? It's not that hard for god sakes! I just don't know what to do... I've run out of ideas... You're alwats jealous of my friends... I don't understand you! "I got a lot to say to you! Yeah I got a lot to say... I noticed you're eyes are always glued to me, keeping them here and it makes no sense at all! (...) Crush... Crush... Crush, Crush, Crush! Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone. Just the one, two I was just counting on. That never happen, I guess I'm dreaming again... Let's be more than... THIS!"
I'd rather waste my life pretending than have to forget you for one hole minute...
I love you...
I hate you...
JUST DIE! Why don't you come up to me and say "I love you"? Why?! Am I asking to much? It's nothing more... I would be so happy... if you come talk to me and surprised me with a kiss (I love surprises you know)... If you love me why don't you say that right in front of me?! I love you and if you love me, like you say, why aren't we together?
But I guess I'm dreaming again... I'm always dreaming and perhaps that's why nothing happens... 'Cuz it's all just a dream... Or a nightmare...
6.10.10
Anipop =D
I know it's a bit late and so on but I were so worried all time about that little fuckface (yeah that guy that I love <.<) and I didn't write anything about it... Well anyway I love it! I was there with 2 friends (Ce and Danny) and then I found one more and he had a friend to *-* (Dii and Mario) *o* and I met another people that are really great and had give me such support in all this stuff... I cosplayed Temari once again and I'm actually planing in using the costume again in JAPAN WEEKEND but I don't know yet ^^ Temari was my first cosplay a year ago and one of my goals is to improve it more and more 'til perfection *o* I guess I made some progress... Last Year:
This year: (Anipop :P)
I guess it was better :D What do you think? ^^
Well I'll post here more pics of this event.. I really enjoyed this and then there was my skit that was so funny xD I just entered the stage and yelled "SHUT THE HELL UP!" and everybody stare at me with eyes wide open x) And I use the song Devour by Shinedown. It was so amusing!
Pics: =D I love you all people ^^
Me yet in home... But with my new hair style ready :P Like a Temari punk *-*
Oh I love you girls *-* You made my day :P Really ^^
Oh look at tha badass look *-* OMG *O* I looked really like Temari's face *-* Except the hair '3'
Haven't you get it yet? - . -"
"Okay Okay! If you say so..." XD
"Feel the power of me! *-*" (narcissist XD)
"You think You're seeing me.. But you're not~" :P
This year: (Anipop :P)
I guess it was better :D What do you think? ^^
Well I'll post here more pics of this event.. I really enjoyed this and then there was my skit that was so funny xD I just entered the stage and yelled "SHUT THE HELL UP!" and everybody stare at me with eyes wide open x) And I use the song Devour by Shinedown. It was so amusing!
Pics: =D I love you all people ^^
Me yet in home... But with my new hair style ready :P Like a Temari punk *-*
Oh I love you girls *-* You made my day :P Really ^^
Oh look at tha badass look *-* OMG *O* I looked really like Temari's face *-* Except the hair '3'
Haven't you get it yet? - . -"
"Okay Okay! If you say so..." XD
"Feel the power of me! *-*" (narcissist XD)
"You think You're seeing me.. But you're not~" :P
5.10.10
Into Reality
Last night was the night that my heart was beaten... Last night all my walls felt... Last Night I opened my heard and magicly I didn't get hurt! Okay... It's true that I don't know how to look at you tomorrow... I don't know if I'll wait to you to come talk to me or if I should go talk first... I don't know if it's true that you don't love the other girl... But that I need to know! I'll have to know it clear! I would not acepte or even support to be with you because (and just cuz) you couldn't have nothing with her. It would be so awful... Would you have nerve to do that? Oh I would make your life a living hell! Just 'cuz I love you enough... Enough? Oh god XD Enough isn't enough to say that!
And I was so happy! After all our talk you said it! You said "I love you =)" I was already off but after all I came back see if you said anything and there it was... "I love you" ... Now I just hope that words were really meant... I hope that words weren't like the last ones... (perhaps you actually meant the last ones... but even so you didn't have balls to admit it even when I was direct enough and said that I liked you...)
Well... I guess that after all this I'll have to cut down your balls if you just think in hurting me again (yes again... those last days were like a living nightmare to me... after that bitch tell me that you loved her and after my brother-in-class confirm the hole story... It was devastating!)
And I was so happy! After all our talk you said it! You said "I love you =)" I was already off but after all I came back see if you said anything and there it was... "I love you" ... Now I just hope that words were really meant... I hope that words weren't like the last ones... (perhaps you actually meant the last ones... but even so you didn't have balls to admit it even when I was direct enough and said that I liked you...)
Well... I guess that after all this I'll have to cut down your balls if you just think in hurting me again (yes again... those last days were like a living nightmare to me... after that bitch tell me that you loved her and after my brother-in-class confirm the hole story... It was devastating!)
2.10.10
500 Days of Summer
Love Hurts!!
"This post modern love story is never what we expect it to be — it’s thorny yet exhilarating, funny and sad, a twisted journey of highs and lows that doesn’t quite go where we think it will. When Tom (Gordon-Levitt), a hapless greeting card copywriter and hopeless romantic, is blindsided after his girlfriend Summer (Zooey Deschanel) dumps him, he shifts back and forth through various periods of their 500 days “together” to try to figure out where things went wrong. His reflections ultimately lead him to finally rediscover his true passions in life."
Actually I saw the trailer of this movie in some German Chanel long time ago but I didn't catch the name and really enjoyed the story... A few weeks later I found the movie in a facebook of a friend and I figure out it was the same that I'd saw long ago... I just hurry up to download it!
This comedy is really catchy because it's pretty soft, you shift back and forth from the number of days when Tom is happy with Summer in his life to the number of days when he’s miserable because he can’t figure out why she won’t love him back. It can be a bit frustrating watching this especially for those of us who’ve been in that situation but I think that’s where the writing is successful, for half the movie, it sorta makes an enemy out of Summer and we feel for Tom, but eventually we’ve come to realize that Tom is too needy and we understand that Summer’s decision is actually the wise one...
My sweet twisted mind...
Sorry but I think you didn't understand it well enough... I love you that is true but even so I can't control those little evil plans that my mind made up on her own...
Today was the day that my sweet friend told me what you said to her during classes... What a shame isn't it? Just when someone starts to fade away we understand that she/he's important to us... It's that true? I mean... Do you care so much? Would you miss me if I, after all sudden, disappear without any trace...
You woke up the demon inside of me... Now it's pretty hard to shut her down again! There wasn't without reason that people start calling me Miss Murder... I just liked to ruin their life... Sometimes I think I'm evil but now... perhaps I'm being fair enough! Oh my love you hurt me so much... Now my dreams are haunted by you. Do you think that is good? Do I haunt yours too? I would really enjoy that...
I'm happy today, so happy about what I heard... I must confess... perhaps Miss Murder would fall asleep with your kiss... But oh! I just forgot it... You don't love me... You love another girl isn't it?
Do you know that I have a sweet twisted mind? Yes I have... Even if I love you I'm gonna make you suffer so much! Yes... This is not a good thing to say... Normal people would be happy if their beloved one were happy... But I'm not that normal... So if you're not mine, you're not from anyone else! Call me selfish, call me egocentric, call narcissist, call everything you want to... I don't care. I'll be sweet to you... I can't avoid that! I just can't... When you're with me you're all sweet and cute and that makes me fall apart a bit... But then again, something inside of me recalls her... She wakes and then I'm not in peace anymore... My rage starts growing and my fears too... And my love for you too... I just can't hold it okay? Why do you have to be like that?! If I could I would make you disappear of my life, of my dreams, of my twisted mind!
Today was the day that my sweet friend told me what you said to her during classes... What a shame isn't it? Just when someone starts to fade away we understand that she/he's important to us... It's that true? I mean... Do you care so much? Would you miss me if I, after all sudden, disappear without any trace...
You woke up the demon inside of me... Now it's pretty hard to shut her down again! There wasn't without reason that people start calling me Miss Murder... I just liked to ruin their life... Sometimes I think I'm evil but now... perhaps I'm being fair enough! Oh my love you hurt me so much... Now my dreams are haunted by you. Do you think that is good? Do I haunt yours too? I would really enjoy that...
I'm happy today, so happy about what I heard... I must confess... perhaps Miss Murder would fall asleep with your kiss... But oh! I just forgot it... You don't love me... You love another girl isn't it?
Do you know that I have a sweet twisted mind? Yes I have... Even if I love you I'm gonna make you suffer so much! Yes... This is not a good thing to say... Normal people would be happy if their beloved one were happy... But I'm not that normal... So if you're not mine, you're not from anyone else! Call me selfish, call me egocentric, call narcissist, call everything you want to... I don't care. I'll be sweet to you... I can't avoid that! I just can't... When you're with me you're all sweet and cute and that makes me fall apart a bit... But then again, something inside of me recalls her... She wakes and then I'm not in peace anymore... My rage starts growing and my fears too... And my love for you too... I just can't hold it okay? Why do you have to be like that?! If I could I would make you disappear of my life, of my dreams, of my twisted mind!
Get out!
...
JUST DIE YOU' MOTHERFUCKER!
JUST DIE YOU' MOTHERFUCKER!
1.10.10
10º dia '3'
Décimo dia - uma confissão.
Bem... uma confissão... Só uma... Isso assim é muito complicado!
Confesso que não sei mesmo o que fazer e ai não me estou a referir a nenhuma situação em especial... Estou numa fase em que me sinto bastante confusa e sinto-me sozinha e sem ninguém ao meu lado (sei que isso não é verdade... A Ce, o David e a Adri têm me dado bastante apoio... Se não fossem vocês não sei^^... mas ainda assim...). Sinto-me mesmo sozinha e não tenho paciência para as pessoas, simplesmente não tenho... Esta confusão na minha cabeça afecta também o modo como lido com as pessoas... ultimamente não tenho paciência nenhuma e só me apetece mandar toda a gente para o caralho! Mas tento-me controlar e reprimo tudo o que sinto... Durante o dia inteiro eu guardo para mim todas as minhas frustrações... Quando o que me apetecia fazer era dizer tudo na cara as pessoas! E depois a única maneira de libertar a raiva toda que acumulo durante o dia é com a minha almofada... (ela sofre tanto comigo xD)
Eu adoro os amigos que tenho e eles têm sido de ouro para mim, se não fossem eles sinceramente não sei o que seria de mim... Mas mesmo assim sou constantemente assolada por momentos de grande solidão... E tudo simplesmente porque acabei de apanhar a minha maior desilusão...
And do you know the saddest part? Is That I love you and I thought you'd feel the same too... How naive I was... How foolish I was... How stupid I am! ('Cuz I can't forget you!)
30.9.10
9º Dia - - -
Nono dia - dois smiles que descrevem a tua vida agora.
Hum... complicado... Descrever a minha vida em dois smiles agora xD muito complicado...
1º - Omg... I'm feeling so evil... @.@
2º - Indeed I'm feeling sad :x
Complicated...
Uh huh... life's like this.
Uh huh, uh huh, that's the way it is.
(...)
(But you've become--)
Somebody else 'round everyone else
You're watchin' your back,
Like you can't relax
You're tryin' to be cool--
you look like a fool to me.
Tell me,
Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?
I see the way you're actin' like you're somebody else
Gets me frustrated
life's like this, you--
You fall, and you crawl, and you break,
And you take what you get, and turn it into honesty
You promised me I'm never gonna find you fake it
No, no, no...
You come over unannounced,
Dressed up like you're somethin' else
Where you are and where it's at, you see,
You're making me
Laugh out when you strike your pose
Take off all your preppy clothes,
You know you're not fooling anyone when you've become
Somebody else around everyone else
You're watchin' your back
Like you can't relax
You're trying to be cool--
you look like a fool to me
Tell me
Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?
I see the way you're actin' like you're somebody else
Gets me frustrated
my life's like this, you--
You fall, and you crawl, and you break,
And you take what you get, and turn it into honesty
You promised me I'm never gonna find you fake it
No, no, no...
(...)
And if, you could only let it be... you will see
Somebody else 'round everyone else
You're watchin' your back
Like you can't relax
You're trying to be cool--
you look like a fool to me
!Tell me!
Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?
I see the way you're actin' like you're somebody else
Gets me frustrated
my life's like this, you--
You fall, and you crawl, and you break,
And you take what you get, and turn it into honesty
You promised me I'm never gonna find you fake it
No, no...
Uh huh, uh huh, that's the way it is.
(...)
(But you've become--)
Somebody else 'round everyone else
You're watchin' your back,
Like you can't relax
You're tryin' to be cool--
you look like a fool to me.
Tell me,
Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?
I see the way you're actin' like you're somebody else
Gets me frustrated
life's like this, you--
You fall, and you crawl, and you break,
And you take what you get, and turn it into honesty
You promised me I'm never gonna find you fake it
No, no, no...
You come over unannounced,
Dressed up like you're somethin' else
Where you are and where it's at, you see,
You're making me
Laugh out when you strike your pose
Take off all your preppy clothes,
You know you're not fooling anyone when you've become
Somebody else around everyone else
You're watchin' your back
Like you can't relax
You're trying to be cool--
you look like a fool to me
Tell me
Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?
I see the way you're actin' like you're somebody else
Gets me frustrated
my life's like this, you--
You fall, and you crawl, and you break,
And you take what you get, and turn it into honesty
You promised me I'm never gonna find you fake it
No, no, no...
(...)
And if, you could only let it be... you will see
Somebody else 'round everyone else
You're watchin' your back
Like you can't relax
You're trying to be cool--
you look like a fool to me
!Tell me!
Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?
I see the way you're actin' like you're somebody else
Gets me frustrated
my life's like this, you--
You fall, and you crawl, and you break,
And you take what you get, and turn it into honesty
You promised me I'm never gonna find you fake it
No, no...
**********
Can You guess for who's this lyrics? -A-
29.9.10
Miss Murder...
She was asleep for so long... She wanted to return but I tamed her and put her in a strong cage so she couldn't run away and come back... I hide the cage in the deepest place of me and finally lock her with seven keys... I didn't know that she kept growing... her hate grew... her loneliness grew... Her rage grew... Everything but her self-esteem grew... And she's becoming stronger each day... I can feel her now... She's awaking, she's screaming in my head... She's getting out of my control ... I don't want to believe that she's the real me! She can't be! She's mean... and evil... and she hide her true self behind false kindness and sorrow... She's totally senseless... She's cold and love doesn't do anything to her...
**********
"I can't escape this hell
So many times I've tried
But I'm still caged inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself
So what if you can see
The darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become!
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal
(This animal, This animal)
I can't escape myself
So many times I've lied
But there's still rage inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself"
"I can't escape this hell
So many times I've tried
But I'm still caged inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself
So what if you can see
The darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become!
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal
(This animal, This animal)
I can't escape myself
So many times I've lied
But there's still rage inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself"
8º Dia o.o
Oitavo dia - três coisas que tu gostarias de esquecer.
Há tanta coisa que eu queria esquecer... Tanta mesmo...
1º - Que tu existes (Tu que tanto me magoaste nestes últimos meses)
2º - Todos os problemas que tenho... as razões pelas quais me chamam Miss Murder...
3º - Que algum dia te considerei minha amiga... (So thank you... For showing me... *keeps singing*)
28.9.10
Mii...
Palavras de Mii...
M de Masoquista____Má
____Magoada
____Malvada
____Maléfica
____Maligna
____Maliciosa
____Meiga
____Menina
____Misteriosa
____Morta
____... Miss Murder!
I de Ingénua
___Incostante
___Instável
___Imatura
___Irónica
___Intensa
___Insuportável
___Ignorada
___Iludida
___Imbecil
___Imemorável
___Incompreensível
___Imperfeita
___Impulsiva
___Inábil
___Inacessível
___Inadaptada
___Inanalisável
___Incauta
___Incomodativa
___Imaginativa
___Incrédula
___Incontrariável
___Inconveniente
___Independente
___Indesejada
___Índigo
___Inflamável
___Inobediente
___Inocente
___Inquieta
___Insignificante
___Inspirada
___Invisível
___Irracional
___Irresponsável
___Imoral
___Imprudente
___... Indescritível...
7º Dia...
Sétimo dia - quatro coisas que tu nunca esqueceste.
Hum... esta é dificil sim... muito dificil...
1º - Da tua amizade, e não vale a pena mencionar nomes. Nunca me esqueci disso, mesmo tu estando provavelmente farta de mim eu não esqueci tudo o que fizeste por mim enquanto éramos melhores amigas ^^
2º - De como era minha família antes dos meus pais se terem separado...
3º - Do Carlitos... Amigo meu de infância que perdi por uma estupidez :x ainda hoje espero reencontrar-te rapaz...
4º - Das p**as do Frei que... pronto...
(wow são só cenas negativas... --" okay... that's good...)
27.9.10
Os Limites da Sedução (Part II)
Ele respirou bem fundo, como se esperasse acalmar-se antes de começar a falar, para não explodir de uma vez, e só depois de ter a certeza de estar bem controlado começou em tom severo:
-Pensas que isto é o quê? Uma brincadeira? Algo em que podes fazer o que queres e bem te apetece sem deveres cabeça a ninguém? Até me parece que não tens a mínima noção, a mínima consciência do que fizeste! – nesta altura começou a gritar comigo, ele perdera totalmente a calma! – Ages por conta própria! Não ligas ao que te dizem nem ao que te ordenam!
Os punhos dele estavam cerrados, a voz dele tornara-se tão agressiva que quase não conseguia suportar… Fechei os olhos perante os gritos e baixei a cabeça. Sentia-me uma autêntica criança a ser repreendida por algo de que dizia não ter culpa, mesmo sabendo que a tinha e apenas confiando na minha inocência para o provar.
-Põe-te no teu lugar! – continuou ainda um pouco exaltado. – E esse lugar é quietinha a fazer o que é da tua competência, não é a arranjar problemas, brigas e a destruir os meus planos! É assim tão complicado entender isto? Faz um favor a ti própria a deixa de ser tão infantil! – Akira levantou a mão e por momentos pensei que me ia bater, pensei que me ia dar uma estalada ou algo do género como castigo pelos meus erros mas enganara-me, acariciou-me a face com a mão quente e deixou-a ficar… Senti um arrepio perante o seu toque. Ele prosseguiu mais calmo. – Sei que é difícil ouvir isto tudo mas tens de aceitar… És apenas uma peça Kaori… - coloquei a mão sobre a dele, na minha face, para ele não a retirar.
-Mas… - tentei contrapor.
-Shhhhh. – Fez-me sinal de silêncio. – Não tens razão, não tentes ganhá-la quando não a tens… Sabes? Poderia dizer que eras apenas mais uma peça vulgar mas aí estaria a rebaixar-te ao nível dos outros, és mais do que isso, és a rainha deste jogo de xadrez e com as tuas atitudes, com as tuas “jogadas” quase punhas o rei em xeque!
Uma lágrima solitária rolou-me pela face, quando o sermão cessou, e parou na mão dele, nem sei porque chorava… Seria este o peso da desilusão? A culpa que sentimos quando desiludimos alguém de que gostamos tanto… Sem nenhum aviso, sem qualquer tipo de sinal senti a mão dele a aproximar lentamente a minha cara e passado uns segundos tive o prazer de sentir os lábios de Akira colados aos meus… O meu coração acelerara e todo o meu corpo se aqueceu, os lábios dele estavam tão quentes… tão doces… tão apaixonantes... e eu estava tão presa a ele… Ele beijava-me duma maneira que me seduzia, me tirava as forças e colocava totalmente a sua mercê. Mas perguntava-me… Que pretenderia ele com aquilo?
Subscrever:
Mensagens (Atom)